It’s been a weird semester, but I’m finally feeling like myself again. Cheers for coming out the other side of things.

More to come later.

“Do you trust me?”

I feel like this is the question that they Lord has been asking me constantly this semester. Just for context, this semester has been one of the hardest of my life due to a combination of personal and academic events. I have spent most of it completely at my end, with no where to turn. While the Lord did not cause these things to happen, He has been faithful and ever patient with me. Waiting for me to stop my fruitless efforts to control everything my life and give things back over to Him. I’m stubborn, He knows that, and still He waits.

Yesterday was a particularly low point for me. I found myself suddenly attacked by feelings of anxiety and fear. What was I doing with my life? What was wrong with me? Why don’t I feel like I belong? Why aren’t things like I thought they would be? And I could do nothing to stop this attack, but (literally) cry out to the Lord.

And He let me finish my little freak out and then He asked, “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you”

“No, do you REALLY trust me? Look at your fears, look at your actions, and can you say you honestly trust me?”

And the answer, when I really thought about it, was no. That’s a hard thing to admit as a Christian. You’re going along, living life, and suddenly the Lord convicts you and reveals a place where you are not abiding in Him. You’ve got your jargon, your “beliefs”, but are those truths permeating your life? Am I really experiencing true relationship with God if I can’t even trust Him to do what He has promised in EVERY area of my life? Again, the answer is no. So, where do I go from there?

It’s easy to say “Okay God, I’m going to trust you now,” and continue going along as you were before the revelation. That would be simplest. Change is difficult.

It’s time for change.

So, I am beginning with really learning how to put God first. For me, This is beginning to ask the question, “Am I REALLY trusting God in this situation? Are my actions and thoughts reflecting that trust?”

It involves being much more conscious of my actions and my thoughts and the reasons behind them. As it has been put, I have begun to try to “take my thoughts captive.” As all things should be, it is not a quick change, but a process. A process that I am excited about, even if my nature is to be hesitant.

God has done so much work on me, especially through the trials of this semester. I can only continue learning to trust him more and lean into him as I continue through this life. Unless you have experienced it, there is not a good way to explain the freedom I feel. To have anxiety and fear that has plagued me for years fall away when I come to know that the Creator of the Universe has my life in His hands, it’s amazing. His plans are greater that I can even imagine. It’s only through his grace that I can begin to struggle against my unbelief.

I have finally decided to dive headfirst into the blogging world. It’s something that I have considered for a while, but has been on a long list of things I’ve never devoted time to do. However, here we go.

Just a bit about myself. My name is Julia. I am a Junior at the University of Georgia. I am studying Classical Cultures, and before you say, “What’s that??”, it’s the study of the Greek and Roman Civilizations. Next question, “What do you want to DO with that??”, I want to get my Master’s of Library and Information Science with an emphasis on Children’s and Young Adult Services. So yes, I want to be a Children’s Librarian, and yes, you have to have a Master’s Degree for that. Currently all of my work experience has been in libraries and I have been blessed enough to have spent 3 years at a wonderful, small public library that has allowed me to gain a lot of experience.

I am self described, “old before my time”, and others describe me as an “old soul,” and my best friend’s just call me a grandma. I like to spend my time reading, doing art (when I get the creative bug which unfortunately has not bitten me in quite some time), and learning how to do random things like knit, weave, and sew, and occasionally being social. I also have a deep love for comic books, I am most interested in the art so don’t quiz me on the particulars, non-fiction literature, children’s/young adult books, and the random horror flick.

So, why am I blogging and what will this be about? To be honest, I am not sure where all this blog will take me. I guess I’d just like a place to share my thoughts, experiences, triumphs, and failures. 

Here’s a lot about me, whether you wanted to know it or not. :]